Every time I travel for more than 2 weeks straight, I get sick immediately upon returning home. When I got back from Australia/Fiji (a five-week trip), I ended up with an ear infection. That I tried to fix with ampicillin. Two days into it, at a party down the shore with friends (and three days before moving out to San Diego), I decided the ampicillin wasn’t working well enough and switched to vodka.

The next morning, I could hear out of my left ear for the first time in three days.

True story.

Nowadays, my chosen weapon of choice is Nyquil. Which leads to lots of sleep. I’m useless when I’m sick.